WTF? Seriously.

Photo: Real Television

"Which of these dolls would I like to play with, and which of these dolls would I rather leave on the shelf?" Paris Hilton

On Wednesday night, as I was flipping through one of the magazines in my stack while waiting to board the airplane, I came across an ad for the newest MTV reality show: Paris Hilton's My New BFF. "You've got to be kidding me!" I exclaimed out loud. Mark read over my shoulder about this new series which will be Paris Hilton's dedicated quest to find a new best friend. We both mocked the concept and the contestants. We laughed about the fact that Paris completely lacks the charisma to carry her own show.

Well, wouldn't you know it, when our plane took off and the West Jet television sets kicked in, there was Miss Hilton staring back at me from the screen. Obviously Mark and I both watched the episode in its entirety.

Here's the rundown: In "BFF," a group of 20-somethings (of questionable intelligence- and mostly with really bad hair, I might add)- cat fight for the supposed honour of joining Paris' inner circle and becoming her new "Best Friend Forever." The contestants will live in her"dollhouse" where Paris says that she "will control their every move."

Photo: MTV

The entire show is completely laughable- and believe me, I laughed- out loud for the most part. I always thought that she was an idiot, but this is really over the top, even for her. It's pretty clear that she has a deluded sense of what it means to be a friend. What she's looking for, in reality, is a slave to follow her around, idolize and adore her, look hot (but not hotter than her) and basically do everything that she tells them. I'm not sure what kind of bizarro world calls that a friendship. Paris has claimed that the winner (the events of the show have already transpired in this, our real world) has actually become a friend, and that she's socialized with all the rest of them. But in the context of the show, they are merely her pets and playthings. Her whim can become the law with a simple text message.

In the first "challenge," blindfolded contestants were nastily interrogated by a Las Vegas impresario, as Paris and her boyfriend Benji Madden looked on. "Do you think you're hot?" "Are your breasts real"? "How many guys have you slept with?" ("Tonight?" one girl asked back.) "Would you die for Paris?"

With a "TTYL" from Paris, five contestants were dropped in the first episode- four on the first night and one bleach blonde who refused Paris' makeover suggestion to dye her locks jet black. You see, "Best friends should trust each other's opinions." So obviously, this girl couldn't be the new BFF.

And, ensuring that the home viewers also got something out of the experience, Hilton took time to share a few pearls of her charmed life wisdom: "Never leave a party last," and, "Working it is a skill. It takes time and effort to perfect."

I'm appalled that shit like this is even on television, as well as slightly embarrassed to admit that I actually watched it. Needless to say, I won't be tuning in again. LAME.