Sunday, April 13, 2008

Fresh air, new friendships, love is all around

The last week has been a tough one for me on many levels. It was clear that I needed to find a way to re-centre myself and put some balance and self love back into my life. On Saturday morning, I awoke under my comfy down duvet and took a deep breath of the spring air trickling in through my window along with the sunlight. I got up to go meet two incredible ladies, Keira-Anne and Phaedra, for a Hidden Language yoga class. It has been difficult for me to put into words just how profound this experience was for me. In the past, I had always had trouble allowing myself to get into a true meditative state. My busy mind has always had a tendency to wander. Yesterday, for the first time, I was able to shut everything else off and completely focus. I'm quite certain that it was the cocoon of love I felt around me in that room, which allowed me to be comfortable and relaxed enough to really connect with myself.

Photo: Keira-Anne on Flickr

Thoughts and epiphanies were coming at me like wildfire. At moments, I felt waves of intense emotion. At one point, I almost completely broke down in tears.

It occurred to me that sometimes when we close one book in our lives, it allows us the strength and courage to open another. There is freedom in choice. I want to be able to say that I've lived a life rich in experience. I want to be able to say I've done the things I've dreamed of doing. I want to try lots of things out, test the waters, find out who I am and what is going to make me happy. It dawned on me that thinking myself into a sad, sad place will not help me get out of there. I have to be the change I want to see.

I'm becoming more and more myself all the time. I've often said I believe that's what grace is; the refinement of your soul through time. I have a responsibility not to be afraid of who I am. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I do. Although I stand on my own two feet, I have such gratitude for the passionate people who have supported me, touched my heart and impacted my life in such a profound way. People really do come into our lives for a reason. I have realized that you have to be careful of your heart always missing someone or someplace or something. I don't want to spend forever trying to get back to some imaginary somewhere. That's how life becomes one long longing. If one lesson has really jumped out at me, it is the importance of living and loving in the moment. Live. Laugh. Love. These are the important things to me right now.

7 comments:

Raul said...

Beautiful (as always). Self-awareness and a sense of "self" are so key. And you seem like such a wonderful gal. We should totally hang out sometime! I am glad you got to meet with Keira and Phaedra. Both of them are pretty amazing. And you are pretty amazing yourself ;)

Ross said...

One of my best friends and I were planning on doing yoga together (she's gone to quite a few classes, I've never tried it). Between you and Keira-Anne, this Hidden Language yoga has really really piqued my interest. Do you mind sharing which location you went to, or suggest a good one? Thanks in advance!

Jennifer Stoddart said...

Thanks Raul! I look so forward to meeting you very soon! :)

Ross, the studio that we went to is in Chinatown.

PatZ said...

"I don't want to spend forever trying to get back to some imaginary somewhere"

It's even harder when those imaginary somewheres weren't so much imaginary as just something or some place you felt right at home in. It's definitely easier to open the door on a new palce than trying to pry open one that's been shut in the past.

Scott said...

Glad to hear you're in better spirits Jen. Wishing you the best!

Keira-Anne said...

Can't wait to do it again...and grab a couple more Skinny Peaches!

Barbara Doduk said...

Inner peace is hard to achieve but so worth spending a life time searching for.

PS: Chrissy and Janet shall indeed have to roll one day! Although I warn you now, snort like Chrissy! I'm sure we could find a Jack. HAHA! That would be a wicked costume party idea. Maybe even find a Larry and Mr. & Mrs. Roper, and a Mr. Furley. (I watched that show A LOT as a kid.)