I've been under the weather for the last few days, kind of feeling like I'm in my own little world. I managed to escape this feeling for few hours when my parents came to visit yesterday. We ate, drank and wandered around the city. I am so lucky. I have the most amazing family. My back pain lessened (or maybe I just stopped thinking about it) for the first time since I woke up Friday morning. Now it hurts again. I wish that I had the means to hire a personal masseuse.
A friend was telling me about a girl he knows who says she's smart, but doesn't know anything. Book smart--- maybe there's something to that, but then again, maybe not. I guess you learn when you are open to it, and are given the opportunity to learn. I suppose, a lot of the time, I've created my own opportunities. I'm still learning, always, even in the silences. Buckets and buckets overflowing with learning and knowing- and I still don't know enough. I still wish I knew more. But I like that I'm willing. Re-reading some random writing I've done- I wonder, sometimes, where these ideas come from- whom and what sparks them, and why I feel the need to write them down in books, one after another.
Maybe I should surrender wanting to control everything all the time. Give up, give in. I've been so fortunate, so privileged, to have family and friends for good dinners with wine and cheese, to be able to watch the ocean from the comfort of my apartment, to have people teach me things I need to learn. I am so blessed. fortunate. privileged. honored. grateful. overwhelmed.