Sunday, September 30, 2007

I'm waiting for the sky to fall, I'm waiting for a sign

It has been raining, raining, raining pretty much nonstop. When I got home from Sunday night dinner at my parents' house, where I watched the season premiere of Brothers and Sisters with my mom, I was happy to cuddle up with a warm cup of tea, a blanket and a book. I must admit that there is something about being cozy inside and listening to the rain pounding against the window that I find absolutely divine. That said, I have had lots of time to think this weekend, which has turned me into an emotional wreck tonight. Maybe it's the Sunday night blues? I know that replacing one worry with another really doesn't get you anywhere; but that doesn't seem to stop me from doing it. I suppose I've just been feeling a bit off for the last couple of weeks; somewhat loner-ly and messed up. This knot in my stomach won't go away for anything or anyone...persistent, it is. I know that the primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. I'm trying to be aware of my thoughts. I know I will snap out of this, I always do. I am a litany of contradictions. I want more, I want less. I want strings, I want freedom. I want it now, I want to relish the waiting. I can't be anyone but who I am. I am confused. I always say that life is too short to sweat the small stuff. And I believe that, I really do. It's just that sometimes it's easier said than done, you know? I walk the maze of moments, and everywhere I turn begins a new beginning but never finds a finish. I'm drawn to the upside down, open minded, sideways looking people; the ones who draw clouds on windows, the ones who make bird hands.

5 comments:

Smelly Danielly said...

Wow I feel exactly the same way...

about the coziness of being inside while it rains

about replacing one worry with another

about just feeling off

about thinking too much and being an emotional reck

about sunday night blues

that describes me this weekend as well

melissa and chris said...

I miss the rainy days. When I lived there, I got sick of them. It's so sunny here (even when it's minus 40), that I actually appreciate the rain now...

PatZ said...

my mom always asks me if i get sad looking up at the sky when it rains here, and i always say no and when she asks why i tell her "i dont look up when it rains, if you always look up at something that makes you sad then you always miss the world that's in front of you."

or because i dont want my face to get pelted by ginormous rain drops. the first one sounds better.

which is kind of funny considering that i dont mind just sitting out in the rain on a bench getting soaked.

Scott said...

Sorry to hear you are feeling down. Just get your down time, get yourself distracted and I'm sure you will be in a better mood soon. People get in a crummy mood at the drop of a hat but the lucky thing is, it happens the other way around as well. Just depends on what angle you want to look at it from.

Hope you get feeling better soon.

Jennifer Stoddart said...

Thanks so much for your comments everyone! :)