Have you seen the little piggies crawling in the dirt, and for all the little piggies life is getting worse

The time has come for me to get back to my program. This lazy-ass routine has got to end. I need to whip myself back into shape pretty quick here or else I am going to become a miserable, mucky mess. Wait, I think I'm almost there. Why is it always a million times harder to get back into a routine once you play hooky a few times?! It's so much harder to follow through after you slack off for a bit. I have missed my pilates classes. I love the structure of going to class. I love being pushed on the reformer. And I just feel so much better when I'm doing it.

My friend Shawna tried to convince me to go to a Bikram's Yoga class with her tonight...and while I have enjoyed taking yoga classes over the years, the hot yoga absolutely kills me. It's not the exercise itself that I can't handle, but the environment. My anxiety is so terrible in that hot, sweaty room...I feel like I can't breathe, I get dizzy and I worry so intensely that I am going to pass out, that I can't even follow along. The last time I attended a class at Bikram's, I had an instructor who was a character Ben Stiller could play in the movie version. He treated the class like a Fat Camp. He yelled and screamed at everyone and told us that torture was the only way to lose our fat asses. While I'm sure that's true, I was not up for the torment or the stinky, blurry, humid setting. One guy almost got chastised for trying to leave the room because he didn't have a drop of water left and was beyond dehydrated. I had a panic attack. It was hardly a calm, serene environment in which to balance your energy and replenish your soul. So needless to say, I declined the invite to join the class. Hot yoga is just not for me. Next week though, I start back at pilates. That's a kind of torture that I can handle.

I don't know what's with me this week! I just can't get motivated. I have no energy and no willpower! I keep finding "excuses" not to go anywhere or do anything. It's amazing how I can go from acting like I'm an Olympic athlete in training one week...to being little Miss Piggy who doesn't want to leave the couch the next. I have had absolutely no desire to go sweat on a machine in a stuffy gym in recent days, and a much greater desire to sit on a patio drinking an ice cold beer. Now I'm kicking myself because I feel soft and uncomfortable and I have to parade around in a bikini on the houseboat in a matter of weeks.

I've always said that the ability to lose weight is a state of mind- at least for me. Those who know me, know that my weight has gone up and down over the years, at times drastically. I'm tall, so I can carry a fair bit of weight, but nonetheless the scale has gone up or down by as much as 50 pounds over the last 10 years. I have been alternately obsessed with losing weight and being comfortable the way I am. This is why I have managed to go from skeleton to balloon and back so many times. Time to get on the weight loss train again now though. It's a constant battle for me.

Inspired by Raymi's Guide To Skinny, I'm going to make some changes.

ANOTHER NOTE: I just found a new "Diet & Weight Loss" application that can be added to your Facebook page. Hmmm...not so sure I want all my Facebook friends tracking my progress to that degree, but perhaps this is a sign.