Friday, June 29, 2007

There you are, there you are, there's my heart...

I guess I would say that placing my sense of happiness and security on someone else was one of my biggest faults. When you don't put all of that on a relationship, it breathes so differently. I like living with the freedom of 'I will make myself happy and be my own source of strength.' I just feel different now.

But I do believe that I have an anguished nature. I admire people who know how to appreciate life as it is. I really try to, but I always worry about people around me. Since I was a very small child I have been like that. I always want to take care of everything and everybody. I don't imagine that part of me will ever change.

On some level, it is as if in the last while, I have conjured a better life for myself out of sheer willpower. There was a point where I hit a real low. I knew that something had to change or I would risk being miserable forever. So I made a decision to begin cobbling the life I desired on my own. Breaking old habits and ending toxic patterns has brought me to this place of inner peace.

I was supposed to be heading to Tofino this weekend for the Roxy Surf Camp, but dates were changed and now we're not scheduled to ride the waves until the end of August. The forecast is calling for rain all weekend, so it sounds like the change of plans may just be for the best afterall. I like camping, but don't have much more rain gear than my rubber boots, despite living in the 'rainy city'. I actually find myself quite looking forward to a mellow weekend. I'll spend some quiet time at the beach reading and writing. I welcome not having plans and being at liberty to do whatever I want. As much as I have been looking for an escape from the city, I'm ok with having a weekend to relax. No commitments, just fresh air.

On another note...

Click here to listen to Matthew Good's new record Hospital Music. He's streaming it on his site until the official release July 31st. The first round of shows for Matt's upcoming acoustic tour were announced today including a September 2oth show at The Centre in Vancouver.

Log on to and sign up to hear it now. Do it.

Happy Birthday Matt! I wish I was there for the party tonight!

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